For you.

May 13, 2013. 11:52am

I remember this day so vividly. I was lying down at our sofa, and texted you Hi. That was our first conversation. I remembered you saying I was a snob that time, texting you with no emoticons at all. Our conversations went to silly ones to serious stuffs. Shared some secrets and our own inside jokes, and eventually got the hang of it.

Came to a point that we decided to see each other. Go on a date. You said you wanted to make things right, ask permission from your mom and she said yes. I smiled and got excited. Months passed we were excited to see each other everytime. You even got the chance to visit me here because I will be helping you with you research and you’ll be doing that here. How fortunate and great fate was that time. We had our own quality time. Shared laughters, just laughters. I got close to your family, quite close. I was attached to them that I was beginning to decide to get to know them more. By the time I decided to know them more you got cold. The influence of the flawed world came and the rest was history that I, maybe you too, would not want to go back to.

At the same point in time 2 years ago, was a hype time for me. It was because it is your birth month. A legitimate reason for me to go to your house which your parents want to. At that short span of time. I trusted you with all of my flaws and silliness. You got to see who am I as a person. Shared my victory. Got to be my prayer partner. Shared promises. We were the shoulder to cry on for each other. We rant about stuffs and got along with those rants. we both wanted to be socially involved. We have our own opinions about stuff. We anchored each other so that no one will get left behind. Our highs and lows were highs and lows of each other.

You said, I should wait. I waited for you. I waited for you to only get “You are too good for me” as an answer. To get “Ayoko na” as an answer. I waited for months just to get an answer. I waited because you said I should. I waited. I am still.

2 years gone, If you would be standing in front of me or sitting in front of me. All I wanted to say is that I still do love you. I will and will always do. Yes, I never moved on because I wanted to have an answer for all my questions. It felt like I needed an answer even thoug people told me not to find one. That the answer lies with what you said last year. “You are too good for me…Ayoko na”.

I love you. You will be 18 few days from now. We were waiting for this moment bavk then. I guess, I should stopped waiting long ago for this moment but hey, I still did! Why? I was too damn excited to see you wearing a dress. Becoming the woman you want to be. The time when my princess would wear princess like gowns and have a princess like party.

I am sorry. I’m sorry I never met your expectation when you wanted me to go there and talk because I was told to wait. I am sorry that I am still hoping for that day to come where you will bring back all our line of communications. I am sorry that I am still waiting. Waiting that someday, somehow, our promises of forever would come.

I still remember the sound of your voice and how you laugh. I am still waiting for that moment when we both waited for the sun to rise up while talking over the phone, we both promised to that right? I am missing you each day I travel. Each time I think of Paris and Santourini. Each time I dream, you are always part of it. My future is way ahead of me but I bypassed it and put you in there. I guess I am just stupid enough to think that there is a glimpse of hope. But I still do.

Thank you. For loving me and accepting my flaws. For letting be myself. For being my prayer partner whenever I give a talk to youth camps and study for exams. Thank you for giving me motivation for everything. You were that person that never left me, at that time.

I love you. I never left you. If ever you need me, I am always there. I love you and will always do. I wanted to wait for you at the altar and seeing you walk on the aisle. I always imagine that moment. I guess seeing you genuinely smile now is the most I can see. That is enough for me. Seeing you smile. Seeing you get excited in life. Pursue your dreams of being a doctor huh? I will too. Promise. I love you. Always.

-Ranze

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